We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Everclear isn't food dammit
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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