I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Farmville is her only friend.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
