im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
