this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
