he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
