I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
