i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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