i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
