i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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