He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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