i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
