I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
