Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
