I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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