My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Its about making memories worth repressing
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
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