Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
