I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
