I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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