No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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