How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
