Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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