Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
