life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Acid is not a monday night drug
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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