DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
