I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
