life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
True strength comes from lack of pants
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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