i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You smell like stripper and shame
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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