I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
