C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Randomize
