I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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