Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
