just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
