If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
