She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
