Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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