At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
