pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
