end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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