last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize