that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
