I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
