How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
