I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Randomize
