can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Damn victory sex feels great
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
