i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
