my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
