it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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