My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
