that's an acceptable place to lick
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
