I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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