it hurts more in the daytime
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
