Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
