never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
