I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize