u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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