Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
