I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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