on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He better not be in your backpack
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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