we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize