Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
