I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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