Where are you?
In a non slutty way
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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