I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
