I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
