I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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