need another drink. this is the easiest way
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
