I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
