Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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