Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
