remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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