If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
